Work From Home or Outside the Home: Which Is Right for You, Mom?

I've been on both sides of the working motherhood experience. I've been the mother who gets dressed every morning, kisses her children goodbye, and heads off to work, and I've been the mother who wakes up, opens her laptop, and tries to get some work done while her children are somewhere in the background calling, "Mommy!"

And if there's one thing I can tell you, it's that both arrangements have their advantages and disadvantages.

I know there's an ongoing conversation about whether mothers should work outside the home or stay home with their children. Some believe children benefit more from having their mothers at home, while others believe women should be able to pursue careers and ambitions without feeling guilty about spending time away from their families.

Personally, I don't think the conversation should be about which arrangement is better. I think it should be about which arrangement works best for you and your family.

Because I've experienced both, I can tell you that the grass isn't necessarily greener on either side.

I Actually Enjoyed Going to Work

Let me start by saying something that might not be popular.

I love my children, but motherhood has never been the thing that made me feel like my life was suddenly complete.

I didn't experience that overwhelming sense of fulfilment that some women describe when they become mothers. I wasn't suddenly consumed by the desire to spend every waking moment with my children, and I'm certainly not the mother who gets excited about every little thing they do.

In fact, a lot of the childish things my children do annoy me. The constant questions, the noise, the interruptions, the seemingly endless need for my attention. I know they're children and that much of this is perfectly normal, but knowing that doesn't necessarily make me enjoy it.

And for a long time, I wondered whether something was wrong with me because I didn't experience motherhood the way some women seemed to.

But I've come to understand that loving your children and enjoying every aspect of raising them are two very different things.

When I worked outside the home, I genuinely enjoyed having somewhere to go that wasn't centred around being a mother. I enjoyed interacting with other adults, having responsibilities that had nothing to do with my children, and being able to focus on something without someone calling for me every few minutes.

And do you know what some of my favourite moments were?

The drive to and from work.

Those moments when I was alone in my car, listening to music or simply enjoying my own thoughts. Nobody needed anything from me. Nobody was asking questions or demanding my attention. I could just be.

Sometimes, when things at home were particularly challenging, work was also an escape. It gave me somewhere to direct my attention and energy when other areas of my life felt overwhelming.

And I appreciated that.

I think we sometimes underestimate how important it is for women to have something in their lives that exists outside of motherhood. For some women, that might be a career. For others, it might be a business, a hobby, friendships or simply having time to themselves.

Whatever it is, I don't think we should feel guilty for needing it.

I Had Something Many Working Mothers Don't

Another thing that made working outside the home easier for me was my support system.

I had very little difficulty with childcare because I was surrounded by capable, trustworthy people who never complained about caring for my children.

These weren't strangers I had to learn to trust. They were the same hands that had raised me.

I knew my children were safe, loved, fed, and cared for. I didn't spend my workdays worrying about what was happening at home or wondering whether the people looking after them had their best interests at heart.

And I recognize how fortunate I was.

Not every mother has that kind of support. Some have to depend on expensive childcare arrangements, unreliable caregivers, or family members who aren't always willing or available to help. Others spend their workdays worrying about their children, rushing home to relieve someone or trying to manage emergencies from miles away.

That wasn't my experience.

In many ways, I had an arrangement that worked beautifully.

So why did I leave?

When I Started Questioning My Arrangement

As much as I appreciated the independence that came with working outside the home, I eventually started feeling uncomfortable with how much of my children's upbringing I was leaving in the hands of other people.

And let me be clear: this wasn't because I thought those people were doing anything wrong. Quite the opposite. I trusted them completely, and I knew they loved my children.

But I began thinking about the responsibility I had as their mother.

I had brought these children into the world, and while I didn't necessarily enjoy every aspect of motherhood, I recognized that I had a responsibility to be actively involved in raising them.

I didn't want someone else spending more time influencing their behaviour, shaping their values, and guiding their development than I was.

I wanted to be there for more of the everyday moments. Not necessarily the picture-perfect moments we see on social media, but the ordinary ones. The conversations, the corrections, the opportunities to teach them something, the moments when their personalities begin to reveal themselves.

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the arrangement I had, although comfortable and convenient, wasn't necessarily the arrangement I wanted for the next stage of my life.

So, I decided to make a change.

I left my full-time job and began building a business that would allow me to work from home and have more flexibility with my time.

Of course, there were other reasons for leaving my job, and I've written about that journey before. But being more present for my children was certainly one of the things that influenced my decision.

I wanted to have greater control over my time and how I spent it.

What I didn't fully appreciate was just how much of that time my children would want for themselves.

Now I'm Home, and Everybody Wants Mommy!

Listen. My children are obsessed with me. 😂

I don't know whether it's because I'm home more often or because they've decided that my presence means I should be available to them at all times, but there are days when I can barely complete a thought without someone interrupting me.

Working from home has given me the flexibility I wanted, but it has also introduced challenges I didn't necessarily anticipate.

When I worked outside the home, there was a clear separation between my professional life and my home life. I went to work, did my job, and came home.

Now, everything happens in the same space.

I'm trying to build a business, manage household responsibilities, raise two young children, and somehow find time to take care of myself.

And because I'm physically present, my children naturally expect me to be available.

It doesn't matter that I'm working on something important. To them, Mommy is home, and if Mommy is home, Mommy can help.

Some days, I handle it well. Other days, I'm overwhelmed before I've even accomplished half of what I intended to do.

I also miss having time to myself.

I miss those quiet drives. I miss being able to concentrate on something without interruptions. I miss the feeling of leaving work behind at the end of the day.

Because when you work from home, especially when you're self-employed, work doesn't always have a clear beginning or end. There's always something else you could be doing, and when you combine that with the demands of motherhood, it can feel like you're constantly working but never quite getting enough done.

And yet, I still appreciate being home.

I appreciate being able to observe my children more closely, to recognize their individual needs, and to be more involved in their daily routines. I appreciate having the opportunity to influence the environment they're growing up in, even when I don't always know the best way to handle every situation.

I am learning as I go.

And perhaps that's another thing worth acknowledging. Just because we become mothers doesn't mean we automatically know how to be good at it.

Sometimes I question my decisions. Sometimes I lose patience. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm doing enough or whether I'm getting certain things completely wrong.

I am not the mother who finds every moment of motherhood exciting or fulfilling, and I don't think I ever will be.

But I take the responsibility seriously.

I brought my children into this world, and I believe I owe it to them, and to the world they will eventually become part of, to do everything within my ability to raise them with care, attention, guidance, and love.

Even when I'm tired. Even when I'm overwhelmed. Even when I don't particularly enjoy what the moment requires of me.

But I'm also learning that being physically present isn't necessarily the same as being emotionally available. And being around my children all day doesn't automatically mean I'm giving them the best of me.

Sometimes, having a little time away might actually make me a more patient and attentive mother.

Which brings me back to the question: Is working from home really better than working outside the home?

I don't think there's a universal answer.

So, What Works for You?

If you're a mother considering whether to work from home or outside the home, I don't think you should make that decision based solely on what another mother is doing, what social media portrays as ideal, or even what society expects of you.

I think you need to consider your own circumstances, your personality, your children's needs, and the kind of life you're trying to build.

And perhaps you can start by asking yourself a few questions.

What do I need outside of motherhood to feel like myself?

Motherhood is an important part of our lives, but it doesn't have to be the only part. Do you enjoy being around other adults? Do you need intellectual stimulation, professional accomplishments, or simply time away from your children? If you choose to work from home, how will you create space for those needs?

What kind of mother am I when I'm at my best?

Are you more patient, attentive, and emotionally available when you've had time away from your children? Or do you feel more settled and fulfilled when you're actively involved in their everyday routines? Think about the conditions that help you show up as the mother you want to be, rather than the mother you think you're supposed to be.

What does my support system look like?

Do you have reliable people who can help care for your children? Are you comfortable with the level of care they provide? And if you decide to work from home, will you still have support when you need uninterrupted time to work or simply take a break?

What can my family realistically afford?

This is an important one because as much as we might want to make decisions based on our personal preferences, our financial circumstances matter. Can your family manage if you earn less? If you're considering self-employment, are you prepared for periods of inconsistent income? And if you're working outside the home, how much of your earnings are going towards childcare, transportation, and other work-related expenses?

What do my children need from me at this stage of their lives?

Children's needs change as they grow. What works when they're toddlers may not be necessary when they're older. Do your children need more of your physical presence right now, or are they thriving with the arrangements you already have? Are there particular areas where you want to be more involved?

And finally, what am I hoping this change will solve?

I think this question deserves some serious consideration.

Are you considering working from home because you genuinely want more flexibility and involvement in your children's lives, or because you're unhappy with your current job? Are you thinking about returning to work because you miss your career and independence, or because you're overwhelmed by the demands of being home?

There's nothing wrong with acknowledging either of those feelings. But understanding what you're hoping to change can help you determine whether a different working arrangement will actually address the problem.

And perhaps, after answering these questions, you'll realize that the arrangement you have is already the best one for your family. Or maybe you'll recognize that something needs to change.

Either way, I hope you'll give yourself permission to make that decision based on your own reality rather than someone else's expectations.

I'm Still Figuring It Out

I wish I could tell you that leaving my full-time job and working from home solved all the challenges I experienced as a working mother.

It didn't.

It solved some and introduced others.

I no longer have to worry about getting up and rushing out of the house every morning, but now I have to figure out how to complete my work while managing the constant demands of two young children.

I have more flexibility with my time, but I don't necessarily have more time to myself.

I get to be more involved in my children's lives, but there are days when that involvement leaves me completely exhausted.

And while I appreciate the opportunity to build something of my own, the financial uncertainty that comes with entrepreneurship is another responsibility I have to manage.

Would I go back to working outside the home?

I don't know.

Right now, I'm trying to make this arrangement work because the reasons I chose it still matter to me. I want to be more involved in raising my children, and I want to build a career that gives me greater control over my time.

But I'm also recognizing that I need to create boundaries, make time for myself, and accept that I cannot be everything to everyone all the time.

Maybe that's what I'm really learning in this season.

That being a good mother doesn't mean I have to enjoy every aspect of motherhood. That being present doesn't mean I have to be available every second of the day. And that pursuing my own ambitions doesn't mean I'm neglecting my responsibilities to my children.

I don't believe mothers should have to choose between being devoted to their families and having lives that are meaningful to them as individuals.

But I also recognize that every choice comes with trade-offs, and sometimes we have to decide which ones we're willing to live with.

For some mothers, working outside the home will provide the balance, fulfilment and financial stability they need. For others, working from home will offer the flexibility and involvement they value. And for some of us, the answer may change several times as our children grow and our circumstances evolve.

I don't think there's one right way to arrange our working lives as mothers. I think there's the arrangement that works for us, for our children and for the season of life we're in.

And if that arrangement stops working, perhaps we should permit ourselves to reconsider it.

Because at the end of the day, being home doesn't automatically make us more present, and being away doesn't mean we're absent.

The goal, at least for me, is to find a way to raise my children with the care and attention they deserve while still making room for the woman I am outside of motherhood.

And I'm still figuring out what that looks like.